Welcome to the Akamai Skin Clinic’s Robotic Accutane Centre. We recognize that many dermatologists do not want the hassle or liability of prescribing Accutane (a.k.a. isotretinoin) and so, we have developed a novel prescription system. Our certified realistic humanoid isotretinoin robotic paraprofessionals will make your office visit pleasant, entertaining and efficient. These Accu-Bots (ABs) have been programmed to care for people with severe acne since the clinician-patient interaction for this indication is structured and predictable. Our ABs have high-resolution scanners to grade your acne and compare your progress with previous visits. They also have the entire PUBMed database of isotretinoin articles in their memory to enhance patient care.
Here is the transcription of the recent office visit of Maya Yama (MY), a young woman with cystic acne who is on Accutane and was seeing our AB for the first time. We have her informed consent to share this:
Sensei AccyBot
AB: Hello, Ms. Yama. I am Sensei Accu Bot, your acne-therapy robot. How are you today?
MY: Are you shitting me!? Are you for real?
AB: Yes, I am an Accu Bot, specially built and programmed to care for patients on isotretinoin, often called Accutane. I see that you have been on isotretinoin for eight weeks now. Are you having any problems?
MY: Well, my lips are pretty dry and painful. My hands are also a bit dry and chapped; but otherwise I’m okay.
AB: We have handouts for dry lips and skin rashes from isotretinoin and I have just emailed them to you. As you know, isotretinoin can cause birth defects. My records show that you are using birth control pills and condoms. Is that still true?
MY: Yes.
AB: I also see that you had a pregnancy test two days ago and it is negative. That is good. Your other laboratory studies were all normal as well. We do not need to repeat them.
MY: Umm
AB: We generally treat our isotretinoin patients with 1 milligram per kilogram of isotretinoin for 150 days. Since you weigh 130 lbs (60 kg) your daily dose will be 60 mg. 12 weeks is 60% of your therapeutic course as you are taking the standard dose. We adjust your length of treatment if you are taking a lower dose. I have filled out your iPledge forms and all you need to do now is answer the comprehension questions on the iPledge site. A prescription will be sent electronically to the Rip-Off pharmacy you have chosen. Do you have any questions for me?
MY: How do you keep your skin looking so perfect? Do some Accu Bots have acne? If so, are they depressed about it like I was?
AB: Was that a joke Ms. Y? If so, my program tells me to laugh (Ha.Ha.). If there is nothing else, please insert your credit card in my right arm and your $30 co-pay will be deposited in Akamai Skin Clinic’s account.. I will be available 24/7 for any questions you may have. Don’t forget to get your pregnancy test before the next visit. Thank you for coming in today and have a good month.
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Meet Our amazing Accu-Bots! They have been specially crafted and programmed to handle your isotretinoin therapy with accuracy, eProfessionalism and empathy. Please note, they are HIPPA compatible.
Professor AccuBot
Sensei AccuBot
AccuBot, PA-B
Ms. Accubot, ANP
