by Richard Macht

Light must come from the inside. Sogyal Rinpoche

The last time I wanted to settle in Israel was in 1971 when I was 33 years old. I had made up my mind that I would take a sabbatical from Dartmouth College where I had been teaching as a Jew with great difficulty for three years, and go alone to Eretz Israel, the land of Israel. I left my wife and my three children behind. I went to a kibbutz in the north, up near the Lebanese border and worked for three weeks waiting to be called to Jerusalem. There I would study Hebrew in an Ulpan at the Hebrew University. I remember having an ear infection at the kibbutz that eventually cleared up after three days. One morning, they woke me up at 2 AM and sent me to the chicken shed. They had me lift four chickens by the neck, two in each hand, put them into crates and throw the crates up onto the bed of a truck that was bound for the slaughterhouse. I did that from 2 AM until 4 AM. Then I went back to bed. When I got up in the morning, I had strained my groin. I had a terrible pain and thought I had a hernia.

The call finally came from the Hebrew University, and I dragged my bag behind for the bus to Jerusalem. Three days later, after the course began, I developed an eye infection. I saw a double rim of light around every letter of the Hebrew alphabet I looked at on the green board. Objects in the real world, when I looked at them, were double. For six weeks, I went from doctor to doctor trying to cure the infection, but to no avail. It wouldn’t heal. At last I went to Hadassah Hospital, the one with the beautiful Chagall windows of the 12 tribes of Israel, and saw a neurologist. I sat on a blue padded metal exam table, my feet dangling over the sides. The neurologist examined me. He listened carefully to my heart, and to my lungs. He tapped my chest and looked at my “fair skin“ while holding my hands in his.

“Why did you come to Israel?“ he asked.

“I want to settle in the land,” I answered.

“Are you married?” he asked.

“Yes,“ I answered.

“Do you have any children?” he asked.

“Yes, three.“

“Where are your wife and children?“

“They are back in the States!“

“You are here all alone?“

“Yes.”

The neurologist dropped my hand and took one long look at me and suddenly screamed, “Get the hell out of here! If you stay here, you will “settle” in the land.” And I knew exactly what the demon meant.

The next day, I bought my airplane ticket back to the States and three days later I was home. My eye infection cleared up, and I have never been bothered by it again. That is to say, I have had Herpes virus infections in my left eye, but they have always cleared up. Herpes virus is a strange thing. It starts in early childhood as a “cold sore“ on the side of the mouth, and then lies dormant in the body forever. It can break out anywhere and at any time: on the face, the chest, or in the eye. It is aggravated by heat, sunlight, and stress!

When I think about Israel. I always remember the neurologist’s words, “If you stay here, you will settle in the land.“ It was as though at that moment a bell rang and a light went on. I have never wanted to “settle in the Land“ again, and I’ve always been happy, outside of Israel, wherever I have gone.